Change and Grieving
I have been thinking about my weight loss so far and the lifestyle changes it has taken to get where I am at in this journey. Clothes are loose and I can fit into some things I couldn’t wear for about 8 years. I must have hope to keep a few nice items that long!
Real change starts with getting mad and sad at the situation you find yourself in. I am not talking about the last 5 pounds that we try and try so often to lose only to fail. To stop doing what you are doing, you stop being the person you were. It is hard, it is yourself you are changing. Do you have a sense of reality on your weight? I think that being honest, we do not. I have lost 20 pounds in 3 years, most of it the last 12 weeks. But 20 pounds! I still have more to go. I fooled myself in that I would not buy bigger pants, but often they were tight. I would tell myself that I wear this size and not a bigger size. I was on the obese side of the scale. It doesn’t matter that I am short or that menopausal. I had not bought a new bathing suit for 14 years! I was trying to kid me!
Grief. Plain simple, complicated grief. Yes, I think the weight loss struggle is full of grief and if we call it what it is, a loss of self, then doors will open for a new path.
Life is so full of constant change that we adapt to, but only on a surface level. We get used to the fast pace and we think that changing a few things, sometimes will get us to the big change we want. Only, the change we want takes deep commitment, it takes major changes in lifestyle and thought process.
Now, before anyone starts thinking that weight loss is superficial and a waste of time I hope they will consider what it takes to keep a temple in an esteemed condition. A bit of work cleaning, and time for repairs. What vision do you see in your mind when you hear of a temple is disrepair? A place that once was beautiful, that inspired? Are you sad at what it lost? Well, many will know where I am going with this as a Christian. Our bodies are our temples. Do we take time to clean, beatify and repair, to nourish? Do we even esteem our bodies as temples? Often we do not. We close the door on the path to upkeep our temples. We let life with all its options crowd out our bodies, our pillars that hold us up.
Ok, back to grief. I think the struggle we have with weight loss is a part of not giving up that part of our self that needs to change. We need to be ok with grieving that loss and then move forward to grasp the new process for a fit lifestyle. This is hard. You will cry, feel hurt, lonely, mad and sad. Are you ok with that? If you are not, then you might just stay on the ‘ I want to lose yo-yo cycle’. To get off it you have to let go of the part of yourself you are holding onto. The part that says, I deserve this fried food, ice cream, seconds or whatever it is that you over eat. Yes, you over eat for your body if you are over weight. We don’t like to say that out loud. It doesn’t matter if you have a slow metabolism, a sedentary job, stressful job, or age. Over eating is over eating. Just like we each have skills we are good at, we each have bodies that react to our food intake and physical output depending on our own type. We need to enhance our nourishment to the point of enhancing our bodies.
What are your triggers for over eating? Write them down and face them. Honestly, this is hard. It is hard to face yourself and say, Oh I DON’T deserve this food right now, my body doesn’t need it, my selfishness wants it. The little kid in us cries out, “But I want this.” It takes time to say to yourself, I am ok, I am worth more than this food.
Have a goal, short term and long term. See the why in the changes you are making. Your strength to change will outshine your old wants, your old desires that really held you down. You are opening a new door and with it will come new responsibilities and a maturity to stay on the fitness path. It takes times energy to keep your temple clean and in pristine condition. Be ok with letting go of the old comfortable self. When you do, you will make new friends and will see your surroundings differently because you are different.